Laundry Fairy

I'm in desperate need for a laundry fairy. One who will flip all socks outside in, inspect all articles to determine if they need to be pretreated and actually treat them, dry them without shrinking them a size and then neatly fold and hang them in their respective closets. Is this too much to ask for? 

I'm going to come out and and say it, I suck at laundry. I usually blame the washing machine but I'm sure I'm the real culprit in this never ending battle of stains, holes and shrinkage. As I was putting Vivian's clothes away today I found holes in two shirts. One of them in the middle of the shirt. How do you get a hole in the middle of the shirt?

Olivia looks like she has been shot.

This shirt looks like it had a battle with some scissors and lost. These aren't just cheap shirts. These are Gymboree $20 shirts. How does this happen?

Then there is the stain demon. I try to inspect all clothes before they go into the washer but I miss a few (or more) every now and again. I'm tempted to ban Viv from eating spaghetti sauce. The problem with long sleeve shirts is they attract even more stains than the shirt itself. Last night I let Viv drink some of my protein shake and before I could stop her she cleaned her face with her sleeve. Who needs napkins when they are built right into your clothes?

This shirt was cute until it was attacked by Ragu. 

If Vivian is this messy with her clothes what will Easton do to his? Do they make wear and toss clothes?